Tuesday, 15 April 2008

The Dead Economy Sketch

A voter enters No. 10.

Voter: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(Gordon does not respond.)

Voter: 'Ello, Miss?

Gordon: What do you mean "miss"?

Voter: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Gordon: We're closin' for lunch.

Voter: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this economy what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very government.

Gordon: Oh yes, the, uh, the Labour Puce...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Voter: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Gordon: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Voter: Look, matey, I know a dead economy when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Gordon: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable economy, the Labour Puce, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Voter: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Gordon: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Voter: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister ‘Enery Economy! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...

(Gordon hits the cage)

Gordon: There, he moved!

Voter: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Gordon: I never!!

Voter: Yes, you did!

Gordon: I never, never did anything...

Voter: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO ‘ENERY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes economy out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Voter: Now that's what I call a dead economy.

Gordon: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Voter: STUNNED?!?

Gordon: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Labour Puces stun easily, major.

Voter: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That economy is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Gordon: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Voter: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Gordon: The Labour Puce prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable economy, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Voter: Look, I took the liberty of examining that economy when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Gordon: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that economy down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Voter: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this economy wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Gordon: No no! 'E's pining!

Voter: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This economy is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-ECONOMY!!

(pause)

Gordon: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of economies.

Voter: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Gordon: I got a slug.

(pause)

Voter: Pray, does it prosper?

Gordon: Nnnnot really.

Voter: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Gordon: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Voter: Well.

(pause)

Gordon: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Voter: NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!



(My apologies to the Monty Python writers. If approached by one of these writers, with a request to remove this post, I will comply.)

Sunday, 13 April 2008

"Proportional Representation" - the unfairest system of all?

We hear many supporters of PR (whichever flavour of the month) complaining that FTTP is "unfair", and "wastes votes", and claiming proportional representation is the "fairest" system.

I am challenging this claim and arguing that PR is far worse than other systems.

1) Starting with a fact. All parties are actually coalitions. Heseltine did not agree with all of Thatcher's policies nor did Benn agree with all of Wilson's policies.

2) Another fact. When a country implements the "purest" forms of PR, using a single nationwide constituency (The Netherlands, Israel), MPs will be elected with under 1% of the vote in the country, and less that 5% of the votes from any part of the country.

3) A working hypothesis. In a two-party system, ignoring any effects of gerrymandering (e.g. population decline means that Labour seats tend to have smaller electorates), the voting system has little effect on the election result. Even the US presidential system, which has no pretensions to fairness, usually delivers the most popular candidate.

4) An empirical observation. Where coalitions are declared before the election (as in Italy and Australia), then for electoral purposes at the time of the election, they are behaving as a single party – it may be a makeshift party (Italy) or a permanent coalition (Australia) but the result of pre-election coalitions can be seen as a two-party election. In fact, since they are campaigning on a common manifesto, the existence of the two parties, rather than a single party, is expressly aimed at exploiting faults in the electoral system and to get the coalition additional votes by misleading the voters on the policies that the coalition will implement. Example: Australia's National (country) & Liberal (town) coalition is essentially the same as the UK's Tories choosing different 'flavours' of candidates for shire and city constituencies - why are they not a single party? There must be an advantage to compensate for the costs of running two party organizations, and this must be in the form of additional votes.

Applying the working hypothesis (3) to the empirical observation (4), I conclude that pre-election coalitions result in a system where "proportional representation" adds no true value, but peversely results in a system where some voters are more equal than others.

5) A working hypothesis. PR results in coalitions between parties. This is not an absolute truth. There have been a few times when the Swedish Social Democrats have managed an absolute majority, but even in Sweden a coalition is the most probable outcome (if only between the Social Democrats and the Communists)

Reasoning from the above, the distinguishing feature of any form of proportional representation is the Post-election coalition. This coalition can comprise as few as two parties (as is the case in Germany, where the system is designed to be flawed in favour of large parties) or it may need as many as five parties (as is the case in the current Belgian government, where separate parties for linguistic groups result in a coalition of three Flemish-speaking parties and two French-speaking parties) but the defining characteristic in practice, and the fundamental flaw of PR, is the post-election coalition.

Moving on to a second issue, what do people vote for (or against)?

The simplistic answer is "parties". But what does this mean? At an election, a party offers the voter a set of polices, and a general "philosophy" that will guide their decisions on issues not addressed in the election. No-one votes for Labour or the Tories without an opinion that they generally believe in the policies & philosophy. (Or, more cynically, that their policies & philosophy are less bad than the alternatives).

However, few people agree with every part of a party's policies. Example: I may agree with the Tories & LibDems that ID cards must be scrapped, but I may disagree with Tories about local income tax. Regardless of the Parties' stand on local income tax, I am far more concerned with avoiding a 1984-like command state. So, following a simplistic model, I use a weighted count on each Party's policies and make a choice. In a PR world, this would result in a weighting LibDem 5, Tory 4, Labour 0, and voting for them 1, 2, 3. The alternative, in a FTTP world, is to say which parties are likely to be competitive, and choosing the best alternative between them. In my constituency, that is likely to result in a vote for the Tories.

Unfortunately, after the election, comes the coalition, and then your vote is stolen! The coalition talks are hidden away from the public. The public cannot affect these talks. Being excessively cynical, one could say that after an election, only 2 votes (Germany) or 5 votes (Belgium) need to be counted. Even taking an optimistic view, we are talking about counting (at most) about 400 votes, if every MP in the coalition parties was allowed to influence the outcome. (A most unlikely assumption!) Is this fair? Has my vote been wasted?

Continuing my example above, Clegg could do a deal with Brown, accept ID cards in exchange for some other policy he wants, and sell me, and any other supporters of freedom down the river. Even worse, we wouldn't even know whether the LibDems were ever telling the truth when they claimed they were opposed to ID cards. Clegg could have done an under the table deal with Brown well before the election for a post-election coalition, and never intended to oppose ID cards, but just put a "paper" opposition in their manifesto, in order to skim some anti-ID cards votes away from the Tories. How would the public know?

Not a single voter will have voted for the set of policies implemented by a post-election coalition. It is even possible (though improbable) that not a single voter would have voted for the coalition policies, if these had been known before the election. There is zero evidence to support any assertion that if coalition polices had been in the manifesto of each member their voters would have supported them. In particular, noting that when politicians vote on a "non-party" basis, they tend to support policies that the public opposes (e.g. their own salaries & expenses; stopping capital punishment), I would suspect that they would choose policies that the supporters of each party opposes. In Belgium, blaming unpopular policies on the coalition partner is the same as the UK blaming unpopular policies on the EU.

The effects of coalition policy get even more bizarre as you approach "perfect" PR. In Israel, a one-man party, whose sole representative was an extremist rabbi, Meir Kahane, held the balance of power between two possible coalitions. His major policy was the forcible deportation of every Arab in Israel and the occupied territories to Jordan and Egypt. Israel pulled back from the brink, but they were right on the edge of the chasm. This would not have been the policy of the majority of Israelis. It wouldn't even have been a case of the tail wagging the dog. It would have been the tip of the tail wagging the dog!

Contrast this to FTTP. In FTTP, each party's policies were stated, are not fudged by coalition deals, and voters can hold individual MPs to account. The policies, as a set, have to be crafted to be consistent, and to attract the greatest number of voters. Voters for the governing party actually voted for the policies the government promised to implement, which is untrue for any coalition government. Every MP who abstained or voted against the EU referendum has been caught holding their electorate in contempt, and may be called to account.

My conclusion from the above analysis is that PR provides a false illusion of "improved" representation, which does not exist when you analyse the consequences of the proposal. This illusion is, in fact, used by a political elite to avoid having to meet the voters' demands. FTTP, though not perfect, in practise gives the electorate more influence over policies.

Of course, both FTTP and PR suffer from a common underlying flaw. They are both "representative" systems, where the voter is expected to hand over, if not a blank cheque, then a check with plenty of gaps for the MP to abuse. I believe that "representative" democracy is a defective, time-limited, system, forced on people by a consequence of the number of voters, and the time/distance from the voter to the seat of government. This limitation no longer holds, as Switzerland and California demonstrate through the use of referenda. We could move to direct democracy, though the political classes may resist. However, in the past the political classes resisted a wider franchise, and were forced to surrender.

Thursday, 13 March 2008

Budget 2008

a true gem from


Northern Rocky [with apologies to Charles Lutwidge Dodgson)


'Twas Budget and the Treasury coves
Did count and figure mightily sage.
All flimsy were the tax receipts
And non-doms seething raged.

'Beware the Chancellor, my son!
The hair of white and eyebrows black.
Beware the cunning tax band snatch
And the benefits clawback."

He took his red box in his hand
And smiled at all the Press.
He stood before the green benched hordes
And taxed beer and cigarettes.

And as the statement rumbled on
The PM glowered and pulled at cuff.
The manse bred son did wonder long
Whether it would be enough.

Not one he slashed but tinkered long
Till all opponents Tory
Complained that the New Labour crowd
Did nought for Britain's glory

"Has thou increased the Revenues?
Come to my arms my Darling boy.
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
and rubbed his hands in joy.

'Twas budget and the Treasury coves
said 'stability was the way.'
Still flimsy was the Northern Rock,
And the poorest had to pay.

Sunday, 10 February 2008

Archive posts

I have created a new blog This blog can ONLY be seen by people I invite in as blog authors, so it provides a safe place to archive any postings that can be deleted. To be become an author, you need to be invited to join the blog, so you need to send an email to cynosarges at sky dot com

When I reeive your email, I will get blogspot to send you an invitation, and after you accept the invitation, you will be able to see and post to http://disputearchive.blogspot.com

Cynosarges

Sunday, 3 February 2008

SS Unsinkable



The Owners - This Ship is the Jewel in the crown. Elegant, stunningly beautiful, unsinkable - naturally - and will stand the test of time.'

The Insurers - 'Unsinkable? Great...'.

The Painters - 'Paintwork of the utmost quality, in fitting for an unsinkable ship'.

The Staff - 'It's just a rumour that we hit an Iceberg. In any case, it doesn't matter because we're unsinkable. Where would you like your deckchair, madam?'.

The Master (standing at stern, while bows are under the waves) 'There is no evidence at this part of the ship that anyone at the stern is in any danger. There is no need for alarm, for this ship is unsinkable'.

The Natural Born Guardian Reader - 'If the leader says so, it must be true. I'm convinced we won't sink because the ship IS unsinkable, and it's my duty to insult anyone who disagrees'.

Chief Bosun's Mate - 'Lowering the lifeboats is just a comforting precaution. The ship is unsinkable, but that's rather lucky since we don't have sufficient lifeboats for all those who may need one. Even though they won't. Since the ship is unsinkable'

'No, really it is'.

Engineering Officer of the Watch - Boiler Compartments - 'Lucky we're unsinkable, since there's an awful lot of water here....'.

Bandmaster - Stern Promenade - 'Lucky we won't sink. Let's play a little tune'.

Rich Passenger - 'I've paid a lot of sodding money for this, therefore, if this ship gets any lower in the water, I'm going to write to my MP'.

Not-so-rich Passenger - 'Has anyone seen my wellies...?'.

Captain, at last gasp = 'It's still bloody unsinkable... gurgle, gurgle...'.

Polly Toynbee - 'If it hadb't been for the Tories... if the Department of Maritime Sciences had listened to ME... The movement of Icebergs should be regulated from Brussels, we've known this for years... . it's unsinkable, sneering and myths from the Eurosceptics won't change that detail a jot... lots of other ships have not struck Icebergs, why are we just focussing on this particular one full of nasty people who have more money than I personally think should be legal...?'

Seagull 1 - 'Sinking, isn't it?'

Seagull 2 - 'It can't, it's unsinkable?'

The Guardian, April 20, 1912. Headline - 'Guardian Columnist waits breathlessly for the great Unsinkable ship to put alongside in New York. Outrageous rumours by Tories and Business parters, rescue services, emergency communications, recovery of tragically small number of passengers and overwhelming evidence of the 'bleedin obvious nowhere near enough to convince this columnist otherwise.

Don't they all know the ship is unsinkable?'.

Sunday, 27 January 2008

"Professional" politicians or professional parasites?

This post came from reading Martin Kettle's article Hain's departure epitomises the eclipse of 60s idealism in the Guardian. In Kettle's eulogy for Hain, he makes the following criticism of Hain's replacements. "a high proportion of the more youthful cabinet ministers went straight into politics from college. In Labour's case they also know little about politics except government."

I thought ... this is true, as far as it goes ... but there's more.

So many MPs (mostly Labour, but all too many from the other parties) of all ages follow the following career paths University-Education-Politics & University-Law-Politics. These career paths may well produce people who can produce sound bites for complaisant media reporters, but they are unlikely to produce people who are qualified to run a whelk stall, let alone a country. Politicians who understand politics, but understand nothing else.

Which MPs have ever done any productive work in their life? Which MPs have ever tried following the red tape they delight in demanding from others? Which MPs have even read a balance sheet? Which MPs have experienced what any commercial company does (even from the second-hand perspective of a professional union organiser)? Which MPs have lived in a fantasy land, isolated from anything productive that *adds* value, for their entire life?

Well, Martin, it isn't limited to "youthful cabinet ministers". Take for example the following biography for an MP in his late fifties.

1) Born 1951
2) In "education" until 1982, BA in history, then lectures in politics. Complete his PhD thesis (titled "titled The Labour Party and Political Change in Scotland 1918-29") in 1982. To paraphrase Clausewitz his education appears to have been "a continuation of politics by other means".
3) Enters parliament in 1983
4) Becomes Cabinet minister in 1997.

Isn't this MP the model of the professional politician? Does his biography suggest that the MP would be suitable to run any of the offices of state? Has he any knowledge of the life outside the political circus? Any experience suggesting knowledge or experience relevant to any government department?


Who is this paragon of politics? This parasite on the productive part of this country? This one-man disaster?

.
.
.
.
.
.

The member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath,
The Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP

In case people doubt my mini-biography of this individual, they can verify it using his self-published biography:
http://www.number10.gov.uk/output/page12037.asp and google can be used to verify the points he omits from his bio.

I invite the submission of biographies for other professional parasites.

Cynosarges

Saturday, 26 January 2008

Free speech is necessary for a free society

.... and censorship is the beginning of tyranny.

Since the Guardian appears to find little details like the text of an Act of Parliament or the second jobs of their journalists so objectionable that they must remove them, I thought I'd create a blog where they can't censor them.

I don't guarantee frequent postings. Indeed, I don't guarantee any postings, but when the mood takes me, I'll add an entry or two.

Personal house rules - draft 0.1 - I will not censor comments, except:

A believable, legal request may be honoured.

Spammers are not welcome. Repeatedly posting near-identical postings will result in the deletion of such postings.

I reserve the right to remove any postings that contain numerous misspellings. I understand that this may appear to discriminate against people whose native language isn't English, but even if you are unable to spell, you are able to use a spell-checker. I consider this a minimal courtesy to others.

I may arbitrarily remove insulting language. This is not an absolute rule. Swearwords are most likely to be removed, but clever, or literate, insults are more likely to be left.

Please make comments on these house rules, or anything else that takes your fancy.


Cynosarges