The Owners - This Ship is the Jewel in the crown. Elegant, stunningly beautiful, unsinkable - naturally - and will stand the test of time.'
The Insurers - 'Unsinkable? Great...'.
The Painters - 'Paintwork of the utmost quality, in fitting for an unsinkable ship'.
The Staff - 'It's just a rumour that we hit an Iceberg. In any case, it doesn't matter because we're unsinkable. Where would you like your deckchair, madam?'.
The Master (standing at stern, while bows are under the waves) 'There is no evidence at this part of the ship that anyone at the stern is in any danger. There is no need for alarm, for this ship is unsinkable'.
The Natural Born Guardian Reader - 'If the leader says so, it must be true. I'm convinced we won't sink because the ship IS unsinkable, and it's my duty to insult anyone who disagrees'.
Chief Bosun's Mate - 'Lowering the lifeboats is just a comforting precaution. The ship is unsinkable, but that's rather lucky since we don't have sufficient lifeboats for all those who may need one. Even though they won't. Since the ship is unsinkable'
'No, really it is'.
Engineering Officer of the Watch - Boiler Compartments - 'Lucky we're unsinkable, since there's an awful lot of water here....'.
Bandmaster - Stern Promenade - 'Lucky we won't sink. Let's play a little tune'.
Rich Passenger - 'I've paid a lot of sodding money for this, therefore, if this ship gets any lower in the water, I'm going to write to my MP'.
Not-so-rich Passenger - 'Has anyone seen my wellies...?'.
Captain, at last gasp = 'It's still bloody unsinkable... gurgle, gurgle...'.
Polly Toynbee - 'If it hadb't been for the Tories... if the Department of Maritime Sciences had listened to ME... The movement of Icebergs should be regulated from Brussels, we've known this for years... . it's unsinkable, sneering and myths from the Eurosceptics won't change that detail a jot... lots of other ships have not struck Icebergs, why are we just focussing on this particular one full of nasty people who have more money than I personally think should be legal...?'
Seagull 1 - 'Sinking, isn't it?'
Seagull 2 - 'It can't, it's unsinkable?'
The Guardian, April 20, 1912. Headline - 'Guardian Columnist waits breathlessly for the great Unsinkable ship to put alongside in New York. Outrageous rumours by Tories and Business parters, rescue services, emergency communications, recovery of tragically small number of passengers and overwhelming evidence of the 'bleedin obvious nowhere near enough to convince this columnist otherwise.
Don't they all know the ship is unsinkable?'.
The Shipwright - 'This ship is sound. It is a miracle of modern engineering. It is, to all intents and purposes, unsinkable'.